D, B And The Car Episode 2: Judgment Day
8:00 AM CT
Happy Chico De Mayo. Dave returns to the hotel room as I finish getting ready. He lists all of the wonderful items on the hotel’s free hot breakfast. They all sound delicious. I just wish I was hungry. Instead, I tell him to shut up.
We leave the hotel. It’s still cold outside. I’m still wearing shorts.
8:30 AM CT
We enter Oklahoma and are greeted with a bill for $4. They call it a “toll.” Also, it starts to rain. I don’t understand this state at all.
8:42 AM CT
Our first 75 mph road sign. Dave believes that this legally and morally allows him to go 110. We spend a few minutes researching the definitions of “legal” and “moral. We compromise at 85.
9:15 AM CT
Dave gets the car up to 100 mph. If he hadn’t told me I honestly wouldn’t have realized it. It was so smooth and quiet. I gotta get me one of these.
10:22 AM CT
For reasons I’m not going to get into, and have nothing to do with law enforcement, Dave officially does not like the state of Oklahoma.
11:27 AM CT
Oklahoma City limits. I get some chocolate at the visitor center:
I promptly eat it. How was it, you ask? It was OK.
Our destination is only a paltry 540 miles away.
1:53 PM CT
Oklahoma’s motto should be, “Oklahoma: Plan to spend your entire day driving through us.”
Trees and grass become sparser, as red dirt become more prevalent. Also, the clouds are gone and it’s finally getting warmer.
2:33 PM CT
Texas welcomes us with a friendly “Hello, please don’t stay too long you Yankee.”
2:40 PM CT
We come up with a genius idea that is going to make us Texas-sized monies. Here I am marking the moment by saying “Genius idea!” over and over:
3:18 PM CT
We’ve traveled in six states over the past day and a half. So far, Texas wins for most boring state to drive through.
3:37 PM CT
Random thought for a future bumper sticker: “We all have hang-ups and quirks. Yours are just stupider than mine.”
3:47 PM CT
We arrive in Amarillo, Texas. It’s time for steak at The Big Texan Steak Ranch:
4:54 PM CT
This place has a food challenge: 72oz steak, three grilled shrimp, baked potato and a salad in sixty minutes or less. If you finish it, it’s free. If not, they get to keep your soul. As we were leaving a contestant begins the opportunity to be a winner:
5:12 PM CT
The gift shop here is awesome. Some of you will recognize the greatness of this:
I don’t buy it, however. Instead, I pick up a Texas-sized cookie:
5:37 PM CT
I also pick up a gummy snake. Dave picks up a hat and a new growler. Here’s how we look as we return to the interstate:
5:27 PM MT
New Mexico, and, coincidentally, a new time zone:
6:21 PM MT
The view out the passenger side window for the foreseeable future:
8:45 PM MT
We arrive in Albuquerque and find a cheap hotel. It’s been a long day, and there’s nothing good on HBO.