Hint: We’ve seen that car before.
Here were my favorite monologue jokes and bits from last night’s Jimmy Kimmel Live!:
I’m Jimmy. I’m the host of the show. Thank you all for coming. I’m glad you’re here. To be honest, I’m glad anyone is here tonight because there’s a big traffic jam here in LA right now — bigger than usual because President Obama is in town. They shut down several major streets today for the President, and they’re going to do it again tomorrow. A good way to ensure that your approval rating remains in the low forties is to see to it that it takes everyone three-and-a-half hours to get home from work.
It’s Batman day today, a day celebrating Batman’s 75th birthday. [Audience claps and hollers] Hold on, I should explain: he’s not real. Comic book stores around the country had big events today. They gave away free collectables to fans. It was a beautiful day for Batman; it’s a shame his parents weren’t around to see it. [Audience gasps and groans] Again: not real.
According to Forbes magazine, for the second year in a row the highest paid actor in all of Hollywood once again is Robert Downey Jr. He’s come a long way to be the highest paid actor — I remember when he was just the highest actor in Hollywood.
The cold open from last night’s Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson had potential, but Craig either held back too much or just missed it entirely, so we’re gonna skip it.
Here were my favorite monologue jokes:
A man in San Francisco was arrested at the airport for impersonating a TSA agent so he could fondle women. Police knew there was something wrong when a man in San Francisco showed an interest in fondling women.
Congratulations to Britain’s Prince George. His royal tiny majesty had his first birthday this weekend. He had a lovely time, declared himself king of the bouncy castle and joined the queen for a game of “Pin the Tail on Camilla.”
Did you know Kim Kardashian now has 60 million followers on Instagram? That is a big-ass following.