Tonight Show Highlights
Here were my favorite monologue jokes from last night’s Tonight Show with Jay Leno.
President Obama is in a bit of hot water over remarks he made at a fundraiser here in California. He called Kamala Harris the “best looking Attorney General out there.” You know what’s funny about this? He was tired of people comparing him to George Bush. Finally, he has something that makes him look more like Bill Clinton.
Because he said she was attractive, people are calling his remark sexist. Now I think the President is overcompensating, trying to balance it out. Like, today, he said Attorney General Eric Holder had a “great ass.”
Stockton, California has become the most populous city in the nation to go into bankruptcy. Stockton is so broke, their meth labs just give out Sudafed. They are so broke, the 99 Cent store has been accused of price gouging. In fact, you know what they call Here Comes Honey Boo Boo in Stockton? Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous. That’s how bad it’s gotten.
A Texas Highway Patrol officer pulled over gas tanker and discovered the tanker was carrying two-tons of marijuana. How stupid is that truck driver? You can make a lot more money selling gasoline than you can marijuana.
The comedy segment was Headlines. There were one or two winners, but the other twenty were mediocre. With a ratio like that I can’t in good conscious recommend spending your time on it.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus was the first couch guest. She stars on the show Veep. The interview was great. Julia was pleasant, fun and told some amusing stories. The entire segment is worth watching, and I wish it was available to do so. Unfortunately, the first few minutes, where Julia talks about her years on SNL, didn’t make it. I’m guessing it’s because her opinions weren’t too flattering. It’s too bad, as it was interesting stuff.
Anthony Jeselnik was the second couch guests. He is a stand-up comedian and star of the show The Jeselnik Offensive. The interview was very entertaining. Anthony was hilarious when I saw him a month ago on Conan. He was just as terrific last night too. I love this guy’s comedic persona. Here’s the interview:
Vintage Trouble was the musical guest. They did a really nice job.
Good show. I give it:
– Woody
Speaking as an almost-lifelong Californian who has always stayed as far away from that town as I could, it’s spelled STOCKTON. With an O. Like John Stockton, the NBA All-Star who played for the embarrassingly named “Utah Jazz” and was one of the whitest NBA players ever.
STOCKTON is in the unpleasant center of the state, south of Sacramento and north-west of Fresno, and when you’re bad enough to take attention away from Fresno… well, that ain’t good.
That said, Jay’s jokes weren’t much funnier than today’s top Google News headlines about Stockton:
“Bedbugs Infest Stockton Low-Income Housing Complex, Again …”
“Stockton gold chain robberies on the rise again”
Fortunately, the #3 headline is about the town’s unhappy response to Leno’s joking… if that had fallen any lower on the list, it would’ve been extra sad.
If you ever give a ‘thumbs-up’ while in Stockton, it’s because you’re trying to hitch a ride OUT of Stockton.
Ha! Your thoughts and feelings about Stockton are on par with mine about West Virgina. Thanks for sharing them, and thanks for the spelling lesson. I hope I have made Jay’s joke a little bit funnier by spelling the name of the city correctly.