Here were my favorite monologue jokes from last night’s Conan.
So great to be back in New York City. So much has changed since we left. A lots changed , though, I just learned you can no longer drive through Times Square. I’ve also learned you can no longer assume any woman in Times Square is a prostitute. My apologies to the librarian from Akron, Ohio. [Woman in the audience screams] Oh, she’s here!
New Jersey Governor Chris Christie wants to extend the 7 train into New Jersey. Yeah, when asked what’s wrong with the Lincoln Tunnel Christie said, “You try squeezing through that thing.”
A California woman is suing Justin Bieber, cause she claims he is the father of her three month-old love child. People who have seen the baby say he looks exactly like Justin, except older.
The desk segment was a visit from a Ted Turner impersonator and Conan making New York style pizza. Guess which one was funny (hint: it was also yummy):
Matthew Broderick was the first couch guest. He’s in the new film Tower Heist. I’ve like Matthew a lot and think he’s a very talented actor, but this interview was kinda boring. Matthew was very mellow, and it really didn’t mix with the high-level of energy Conan had been running for the first half of the show.
Paul Simon was the musical guest. It was nice to hear a new song from him.
Very good show. I give it: