Late Show Highlights

Here were my favorite monologue jokes from last night’s Late Show with David Letterman:

Welcome to the Late Show. By the way, this is our first post-apocalypse Late Show. While we’re at it I’d like to make a prediction of my own. I predict that sometime this week Oprah Winfrey’s show will end.

Oh, you know who’s on the program tonight? Lady Gaga. Earlier today arrived in a stretch egg. It’s very exciting to have her here at CBS, she’s replacing Katie Couric.

You folks see the season finale of Celebrity Apprentice with Donald Trump? [Crowd applauds] I know you didn’t, but I appreciate your support of me. Yeah, it’s a great honor to be selected Apprentice, it’s like being chosen as a Schwarzenegger maid.

Newt Gingrich is running for president. He loves campaigning, and his campaign certainly got off to a smooth start. He likes being on the campaign trail. Already over the weekend he met his next wife.

The desk segment included Top Ten Harold Camping Excuses:


Lady Gaga was the first couch guest. Her newest album Born This Way was released yesterday. The interview was fine, but I was honestly annoyed by how standoffish and coy she was the entire time. I’m reasonable sure Letterman sat there asking himself, “Didn’t I do this s**t twenty years ago with Madonna?” I’m actually pretty proud of CBS for putting a decent montage clip:


Eric Stonestreet was the second couch guest. He is on the show Modern Family. The interview was very short, but fun. Eric was personable and told good stories. His best story is in this clip:


The Vaccines was the musical guest. They were good.

Fine show. I give it:

– Woody

Posted In: Late Night