Woody After Hours

Lopez Tonight Highlights

Here were my favorite monologue jokes from last night’s Lopez Tonight:

It was just NBA All-Star weekend here in Los Angeles. The greatest athletes in the NBA all in Los Angeles, or as Kim Kardashian calls it: Christmas in February.

It was great to have that basketball in L.A. With the way the Lakers have been playing it was good to have some professional basketball back at the Staple Center.

Moldova has been recognized as the world’s “drunkest country.” People drink an average of 4.8 gallons of alcohol per year, or Thursday as Charlie Sheen calls it.

In Toronto police raided a pizza parlor. They found a large shipment of marijuana, ecstasy and crack. They got suspicious when some dude ordered a medium pizza with three toppings: $17,000. Their slogan is: If it’s not there in 30 minutes or less, we probably forgot.

There’s a new study out that says if you’re short you’re going to live a long life. I guess we’re never going to get rid of Snooki.

Amar’e Stoudemire was the first couch guest. He plays basketball for the New York Knicks. The interview was decently entertaining. Amar’e seemed nervous being out there at first, but George did a good job of relaxing him with silly jokes. Here’s the interview:

Between guests Lopez did a segment on how the future will look for certain celebrities when a meteor hits Earth 20 years from now. It didn’t make me laugh.

Kate Gosselin was the second couch guest. She is the star of Kate Plus 8. The interview was fine. There wasn’t anything wrong with it, but at the same time I didn’t find it very interesting. George spent most of his time fawning over her. Kate spent her time acting like someone who has been asked the same questions a million times and has to be very legal with her answers and her stories.

Sebastian Maniscalco was the stand-up guest. I didn’t find him funny.

It was a show. I give it:

– Ben

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