Late Show Highlights

Here were my favorite monologue jokes from last night’s Late Show with David Letterman:

Is it cold outside today ladies and gentlemen? Today out there at LaGuardia one of the TSA agents put his hand in somebody’s pants just to keep warm.

I’m proud to say that New York City is in the holiday spirit year-round. Our mayor is an elf.

Here in New York City on Fifth Avenue we have the world’s largest menorah. It’s really beautiful. Lemme tell you, I bet that LeBron James is kicking himself now.

Over the weekend President Obama went to Afghanistan. He dropped in, shook a few hands and left after an hour; it’s like me at Thanksgiving.

Willie Nelson was arrested for possession of marijuana. Wait’ll he finds out.

What a special night folks, the balcony is full of performers who have been injured in Spider-Man the Musical.

The desk segments included the Top Ten Signs Your Neighbor Is The Wikileaks Guy:


Ray Romano was the first couch guest. He stars on the show Men of a Certain Age. I find Ray pretty funny, so the interview was entertaining, but not very deep. He spent most of the interview telling stand-up jokes while sitting down. Here’s an example:


John Mellencamp was the second couch/musical guest. He has a new album out. He’s still got that voice:


Good show. I give it:

– Woody

Posted In: Late Night