Woody After Hours

Late Show Highlights

The Late Show with David Letterman was pretty good last night. Here were my favorite monologue jokes:

Gonna be a pretty good deal with the Vikings. [Brett Favre will] get twelve million dollars from Minnesota. My God, talk about cash for clunkers.

But now listen to this. Something is going on down there in Washington and I don’t know what it is. But yesterday Bill Clinton had a separate meeting with Barack Obama and then Hillary Clinton had a separate meeting with Barack Obama. And here’s what happened, during Bill’s meeting in the Oval Office with the President, out of habit, Hillary ran in.

Thank God I don’t have to worry about health coverage, I’m with CBS. For example, when I die I get a guest shot on the Ghost Whisperer. One drawback, when I get sick the only doctor I can see is Dr. Phil.

I mean it’s interesting, [Squeaky Fromme is] out of prison, she had been in prison a long time, and what she did was a horrible, horrible crime, but now she’s out and you think, “Well, what will this chapter in her life bring?” I mean, is she going to get a job? What is she going to do, is she going to start dating? I mean, c’mon. If you think about it there aren’t many jobs for unstable, gun-toting women, unless she wants to run for Governor of Alaska.

The desk segments included the funny Top Ten Reasons Brett Favre Came Out of Retirement.

Mike Myers was the first couch guest. I’m beginning to suspect that Dave’s guests are being given Ritalin before they come out. Quentin Tarantino was really sedate Monday night compared to when I’ve seen him in past interviews. Similarly, Mike was fairly mellow last night. He wasn’t any less funny, thank goodness, so the change worked for me and I really enjoyed the interview. Mike started with a funny and somewhat gruesome story about almost losing his toe last year while on vacation. He then shared some history about the Liverpool side of his family and their propensity to drink, a lot. He ended the interview promoting the movie Inglourious Basterds (yes, that is the film’s spelling), which comes out this week.

Ken Burns was the second couch guest. Ken is a filmmaker whose new film The National Parks: America’s Best Idea will air on PBS in September. The interview focused on the current state of the US national parks and was very interesting and informative. The film sounds like it’s really worth watching.

I’m very excited to roll out my new five-point “Woody” rating system today. No more boring school grades for me. I’m moving on up, to the East Side. Here’s my rating for last night’s show:

That’s 3.5 “Woodys” (in case you’re wondering).

– Woody

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