The Zero-Calorie Habit

It is possible to be addicted to diet soda. I know someone who can’t function correctly without drinking quite a bit of it on a daily basis. I’d host an intervention, but he’s more of an acquaintance then a friend.

Paul continues to be a few amoebas away from never rooting for the Oregon Ducks again. I’m pretty worried about him, so I attended the NC State Fair.

There were a ton of things going on at the State Fair: rides, fireworks, caged farm animals, the opportunity to win a prize that cost one-fourth of what you paid for the chance to win it, and Darius Rucker just to name a few.

I, however, focused almost all of my energy, and cash, on the opportunity to eat as large a variety of unhealthy food in as short a time as possible. Here, now, is part one:

I started my adventure by helping my friend devour a giant turkey leg:

Look at me, I’m one big manly beast of a guy!

I then moved on to…is that a chicken nugget of some sort?

Hell no! That there is a deep-fried Oreo. I’m not going to lie; I ate three of those suckers in less time than it’s taking you to be disgusted by that very fact.

I would have eaten more, but I was running late for my meeting with my first-ever deep-fried Twinkie. Just look at that winter wonderland of golden goodness. And you get a free popsicle stick.

I almost got the entire thing in my mouth. I think this’ll be my new dating website profile picture. Not surprisingly, my wife is ok with that decision.

By the way, I am wearing sunglasses indoors, because I’m that cool.

I then decided to get a little culture, so I consumed some Cajun-fried alligator-on-a-stick. It came with Cajun fries. I am officially a Cajun.

Boy, I sure do know how to shove a lot of meat in my mouth. And look at the way the sun shines off my forehead. It takes a lot of years and some specific genes to accomplish that look.

And this was only half of all the things I ingested. Come back on Wednesday for part II of my eat-fest. I’m calling it: Why My Pants Don’t Fit Anymore.

– Ben