Servings Per Container: 1,000,000

There are places out there where you can serve yourself a giant cup of frozen yogurt. It’s the epitome of freedom. You are in complete control and no one tries to stop you. And I’m not talking about just one flavor. Oh no. There are typically between five and ten flavors to choose from, and you can dispense as little or as much of every single flavor into said giant cup. It’s fun, like building a multi-colored mountain. When you’re done you feel like Mother Nature herself.

It gets even better, cause your creation is only half-finished. You must, must, must move to phase II, where you can add something like a gazillion toppings to your man-made heap o’ frozen goodness. It doesn’t matter how many toppings you add, and it doesn’t matter how much of each one you want. You have the right and the duty to cram as much into the seemingly unlimited space as you can. You literally can’t go wrong. There are only right answers. And when you behold your final product you swell with pride knowing that you have finally found your purpose in this life.

But then you have to pay for it, and reality hits you in the kneecap with a steel pipe. You put your hunting trophy on the scale and a price that you didn’t think was humanly possible to achieve stares back at you. Your brain does an unwanted calculation, and then informs you that you could have had bought a steak dinner for less than what you are now required to shell out for the abomination you are solely responsible for creating. And then, after maxing out your credit card, you sit down with your cup and stare at it, wondering where you went wrong, wondering if you can ever go back to a more innocent time, wondering if there is any hope for mankind.

Finally, you eat it. All of it. And your questions are answered.

Have a great weekend.

– Ben