Late Show Highlights

Here were my favorite monologue jokes from last night’s Late Show with David Letterman:

In the middle of May is when all the television networks, you have your ABC, you’ve got your CBS, you’ve got your NBC, you’ve got your… [long continuous coughing] Fox, they pick out they’re new programs for the fall schedule. NBC has announced their new fall schedule, and they brought in an alert t-shirt vendor to check for bombs.

After twenty years Law & Order is gone. It’s canceled. So that means you can only see it about a thousand hours a week now.

Here’s a sign now that things may be going crazy. Here in New York City there was a Pit Bull with a heart condition, and the vet prescribed, for the Pit Bull with the heart condition, Viagra. What a coincidence, I also take it for my…heart condition.

It was a Pit Bull. It started taking Viagra. Now it’s a Pointer.

We have a new Miss USA. Miss Michigan won. Congratulations to Miss Michigan. Well, it gets better. John McCain has already selected her as his 2012 running mate.

Sadly, Miss Arizona could not be there. She was being detained by the authorities.

Arizona may lose their hockey team, the NHL Coyotes. Apparently, here’s what happened, authorities became suspicious that some of the players were Canadian.

The desk segments consisted of David talking about visiting Cape Canaveral to watch Atlantis blast off and a song from the latest American Idol castoff Michael Lynche. Both segments were entertaining, but the whole thing is eleven minutes, so let’s move on.

Jason Randal was the first couch guest. Jason is a magician and kicked off Close-up Magic Week on the Late Show. I love magicians and this guy was great. Check out his performance:


Matthew Fox was the second couch guest. Lost is one of my top five favorite television shows of all time, and I think Matthew is a terrific actor. Was it me, or do David and Matthew have a antagonistic relationship? Here’s the interview:


Zac Brown Band was the musical guest. They were terrific and are worth watching:


Terrific show. I give it:


– Woody

Posted In: Late Night