Eating The World’s Largest Gummy Bear
Recently I discovered the existence of the World’s Largest Gummy Bear™ (WLGB). Using my team of crack investigative reporters, I learned that the WLGB is made and sold right here in Raleigh, North Carolina. Being a lover of all things gummy, a glutton and not very smart, I made an executive decision that I absolutely had to purchase and eat one. I’m happy to report that phase one is now complete and we’re a go to begin phase two.
My first hurdle was deciding on which of the nine flavors I wanted to dedicate myself to spending a lot of time with. It wasn’t easy, and I thought long and hard before ultimately choosing pineapple. Why pineapple? First, pineapple-flavored sugar is yummy. Second, the majority of the population would have gone with cherry, and I thought I’d be different. Third, they didn’t have sticky toffee pudding- or tiramisu-flavor gummy bears, so I went with the next logical choice.
Ok, so here is my WLGB. I named her Penelope Pineapple. Look at how wonderfully she glistens:
Now, I realize that by itself Penelope doesn’t look that impressive, so I took a few pictures to give you a better perspective.
Now, let’s see what I’m getting into by reading the WLGB’s nutritional label:
- One WLGB is equal to approximately 1,400 regular sized bears
- There are 90 servings
- Each serving is 140 calories
That’s 12,600 calories total. No problem.
My plan is to eat Penelope seven days a week until she’s gone. Some days I’m going to eat a lot of Penelope, some days I’m just going to nibble on Penelope. My Penelope consumption will just depend on my mood at the time. I will also be blogging about the experience, so come back to this page every once in a while and see if I’m still alive.
Update – 07/29/2009
I’ve made a lot of progress in three days. Take a look:
As you can see, just about half of the Penelope Pineapple is gone, and I must admit that I’m filled with equal parts pride, shame and gummy. I’m proud that after all I’ve eaten I can still do stuff, like be upright. I’m ashamed that I’ve done a better job at this than I have at waking up at a reasonable hour, brushing my teeth or eating healthy food. And, naturally, I’m full of gummy goodness, which I suspect has now surpassed water as the highest percentage of stuff in my body.
You’d think it would be easy to stop after a small nibble or two, but she’s just so darn tasty that before I know it I’m back for eighths, and it’s only 9:30 in the morning. I am going to try and pace myself a little better over the next few days, if for no other reason than I can’t fit into my sweatpants anymore. My sweatpants folks.
Update – 07/31/2009
I’m happy to report that since my last update I have successfully reduced my Penelope Pineapple consumption from a Level 9 (serious devouring) to a Level 2 (innocent nibbling).
This morning I wondered what might happen if I introduced Penelope to other foods at Casa de Carter. Would they get along and play nice? I decided to answer this and other burning questions by making an omelet. Here’s how it went:
I started by choosing and preparing the omelet ingredients.
Top row left to right: Organic Baby Spring Mix salad lettuce, mushrooms, tomatoes
Bottom row left to right: Swiss cheese, onion, Penelope Pineapple
So far, so good. Everyone is getting along well.
I then fried the onions and mushrooms.
When they were nice and brown I added the egg mixture. Now, most people would have removed the onions and mushrooms and then re-added them back in at the end with the rest of the ingredients. But I decided to take the more brilliant route and combine them with the eggs to make a super chunky omelet shell.
For the purpose of being able to show you what I was doing I needed to make a big omelet in a big pan. Needless to say, flipping it at the appropriate time became an immense challenge. It didn’t work out quite right, or within the first 20 minutes of trying, but eventually I did it and added the rest of the ingredients.
One fold later and I had my omelet. It’s not as bad as it looks, honest.
To make this a well balanced breakfast that could be enjoyed by just about anyone, I added two pieces of toast topped with our homemade strawberry jam, salt, pepper and a wonderful tasting chilled June 2009 Diet Coke.
And then a few minutes later it was gone.
So, how was it? Well, to be completely honest, it was one of the worst things I have ever tasted. I had overcooked the eggs while trying desperately to flip it. But primarily Penelope Pineapple did not play nice with the rest of the ingredients. Her hot, gooey and runny sweetness was overpowering. She killed my ability to discern any of the other flavors, including the toast. So why did I continue to eat it? Well, I don’t typically go food shopping until Sunday, so I’m kinda running low on options and don’t want to waste what little there is to eat around here.
Next update on Monday.
Update – 08/03/2009
It’s been eight days since I purchased the World’s Largest Gummy Bear™ and named her Penelope Pineapple. I’m sad to report that as of this writing Penelope isn’t half the bear that she once was. In fact, she is now just a head. I am deeply saddened by the knowledge that soon she will disappear all together. In the short time I have known Penelope she has become more and more a part of me every day. Perhaps that has been the problem all along.
Not wanting to waste a good head, Penelope was kind enough to show off some impressions that she has been working very hard on lately. Here she is as Wolverine. She’s always had a thing for Hugh Jackman.
And here she is as her favorite Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle: Donatello. She asked that I not use a flash for this picture, as she wants to portray him as a dark and deeply flawed turtle.
And finally, here she is as her favorite character from the Star Wars universe:
There may be one more Penelope Pineapple update later this week. Make sure to check back to this page at least once every hour until then.
Update – 08/05/2009
“Of my friend, I can only say this. Of all the souls I have encountered in my travels, hers was the most…gummy.” – Ben
I’m happy to report that I have completed my mission to eat the World’s Largest Gummy Bear™. At the same time I’m sad that Penelope Pineapple is now only various chemicals coursing through my veins. I had a lot of fun with Penelope. She was delicious, a good sport and she didn’t ruin my enjoyment of all things gummy. My only regret is that I ate her way too fast. I should have taken more time to enjoy her pineapple-ly goodness and photogenic-ness. You can tell I’m sad because I’m making up words.
The final picture of Penelope is of her right ear. I call it “Listening to the Sun Rise Before Ben Eats Me”.
Thanks for following my adventures. I hope you enjoyed it. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go burn off 12,600 calories and brush my teeth…a lot.
– Ben
