Woody After Hours

I attended the NC State Fair on Saturday, October 23rd 2010. It was the busiest day of the two-week event. Over 150,000 people attended that day.

There were a ton of things going on at the State Fair: rides, fireworks, caged farm animals, the opportunity to win a prize that cost one-fourth of what you paid for the chance to win it, and Darius Rucker just to name a few.

I, however, focused almost all of my energy, and cash, on the opportunity to eat as large a variety of unhealthy food in as short a time as possible.

I started my adventure by helping my friend devour a giant turkey leg:

Look at me, I’m one big manly beast of a guy!

I then moved on to…is that a chicken nugget of some sort?

Hell no! That there is a deep-fried Oreo. I’m not going to lie; I ate three of those suckers in less time than it’s taking you to be disgusted by that very fact.

I would have eaten more, but I was running late for my meeting with my first-ever deep-fried Twinkie. Just look at that winter wonderland of golden goodness. And you get a free popsicle stick.

I almost got the entire thing in my mouth. I think this’ll be my new dating website profile picture. Not surprisingly, my wife is ok with that decision.

By the way, I am wearing sunglasses indoors, because I’m that cool.

I then decided to get a little culture, so I consumed some Cajun-fried alligator-on-a-stick. It came with Cajun fries. I am officially a Cajun.

Boy, I sure do know how to shove a lot of meat in my mouth. And look at the way the sun shines off my forehead. It takes a lot of years and some specific genes to accomplish that look.

That’s a lot of tasty food that probably took a solid year off my life. But I wasn’t done. Oh no. Not by a long shot.

Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce you to, my friend, the Krispy Kreme Doughnut Burger.

Yeah, they were selling these.

I’d understand if you’re disgusted. After all, a bacon, lettuce and tomato cheeseburger in-between two Original Glazed Krispy Kreme doughnuts can’t possible taste good or be good for you. But I’d also understand if you’re slightly aroused. I mean, when you think about it, it’s got all of the important male food groups in one convenient little package.

It actually tasted pretty decent. I’m not saying this is the way I want to eat my burgers from now on, but for a one-time event, it was totally eatable. Though, I’m sure you’re right about the fact that it wasn’t good for me. Oh well, I shoved it in my mouth like a trooper.

All I really needed after that was one wafer thin mint. Instead, I had a strip of chocolate-covered bacon. Could I be anymore of a chick magnet in this shot?

Now, like all patriotic Americans, I enjoy me some bacon from time to time. I also commune with chocolate on a deeper level than most people. So I really figured this was a no-brainer. Instead, it ended up being the worst thing I ate that day. Maybe it was just my piece, I’m not sure, but I ain’t doing that again anytime soon.

Full disclosure, I ate the entire thing anyway.

After that negative experience I took a well deserved break from eating. A few minutes later I had me another hankering for something fried. It was then that I decided to try my first deep-fried Milky Way bar.

As you can see from the fact that I had no problem getting the entire thing in my mouth, this was smaller than the deep-fried Twinkie. At the same time it was a heck of a lot denser.

Overall it was pretty good. I remember at the time not being too impressed with it. But as I think back on it my opinion has softened and I look forward to having another one someday.

Even with all the food I had devoured so far, I could not leave an event such as this without eating a, wait for it, funnel cake. There are a lot of fancy deep-fried foods out there, but nothing compares to the simplicity and deliciousness of your standard funnel cake.

That being said, I ran into something I couldn’t resist trying.

This was called something like “The Chocolate Destroyer.” It was chocolate funnel cake batter topped with whipped cream, Oreo cookie bits, chocolate chips and chocolate syrup. I’m not going to lie, this did just about kill me. Here is the last picture of me in good health.

While really good, it took me a loooong time to eat this, and I couldn’t do it alone. When it was finally gone, so was I.

And that’s it. With the exception of the chocolate-covered bacon, everything I ate at the NC State Fair that day ranged from pretty good to really delicious. If this were a pageant, my vote for the yummiest food would go to…the deep fried Oreos.

– Ben