Late Night Highlights
Here were my favorite monologue jokes from last night’s Late Night with Jimmy Fallon:
Saturday night was the big fight in Las Vegas. You had Floyd Mayweather and Canelo Alvarez. Floyd Mayweather was escorted to the ring by Lil Wayne and Justin Bieber. It really psyched out Alvarez. When he saw the three of them together he was like, “I don’t know which one to hit first.”
You guys watch football? Joe Flacco, the quarterback for the Ravens, missed the birth of his son so he could play with his team against the Browns. It was eight pounds, seven ounces. Not the baby, the diamond Flacco had to buy his wife to make up for NOT SHOWING UP TO THE BIRTH OF HIS CHILD.
The 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia are just around the corner. Russia has apparently asked Cher to perform at the games. Cause if there’s one thing that’ll keep gay people out of your country it’s holding a free Cher concert.
Cher said she turned down Russia’s invitation to perform because of the government’s anti-gay laws. Russia said no big deal, they’ll just move on to their second choice: Liza Minnelli.
I can’t believe this is already happening, but I just saw that Kmart aired its first holiday commercial even though there are more than three months before Christmas. When my dad saw that he was like, “Well, guess I shouldn’t bother taking the lights down.”
The comedy segment was Celebrity Whispers. It was stupid.
Ben Affleck was the first couch guest. He stars in the upcoming film Runner Runner. The interview was great. Ben was outgoing, charismatic and told some very amusing stories. I really enjoyed his dark and self-deprecating energy during the segment. He also swore like he was on The Late Late Show or something. My only complaint was that it was difficult to hear him at times. He tended to rush through what he was saying to get to the punch line, and it didn’t help that Fallon was either laughing loudly or trying to talk over him. Despite those moments the interview is worth watching:
Mindy Kaling was the second couch guest. She stars on the show The Mindy Project. The interview was completely useless. I’ve never been a Mindy fan. I find her comedy and attempts to be cute super annoying. This interview didn’t do anything to help me change my mind. No, Mindy, I don’t care about your painted nails or wanting to say hello to Questlove. Fortunately the whole thing was painfully short.
Pixies was the musical guest. They were fine.
Mediocre show. I give it:
– Woody
