Tonight Show Highlights

Here were my favorite monologue jokes from last night’s Tonight Show with Jay Leno:

Another scorcher. What was it, like a hundred degrees? You know, I was sweating like someone trying to cash a check from the LA Dodgers. That’s how hot it was. Coming in this morning I was sweating like Mitt Romney running low on hair gel. It was so hot Bruce Jenner’s face was actually putty in his own hands.

In Pennsylvania a 64 year-old grandmother was arrested for spraying her nine year-old grandson in the face with a garden hose. The kid is fine. The grandmother sprayed him in the face with a garden hose. Cops arrested her and took her to jail. In a related story, Casey Anthony found not guilty. Seems fair.

Dominique Strauss-Kahn has been released on his own recognizance. There’s some worry he might try and flee the country, or ever worse, check into a hotel.

Gay marriage is now legal in New York. That means gay men in New York City can finally marry someone other than Liza Minnelli.

A woman in Mexico was arrested after she tried to sneak her husband out of prison inside a suitcase after a conjugal visit. The guy was curled up inside this suitcase, a tiny little suitcase that she was pulling behind her. Or as Southwest Airlines calls it: the next big thing in air travel.

The desk segment was Jay’s Office Vacation. When it started I immediately decided not to make you suffer through it. Yet, by the end I have to admit that it grew on me. So here it is:

Julie Scardina was the first couch guest. She is an animal expert. The interview was a lot of fun. Julie brought some neat animals that made for a hilarious interview. You can watch most of the fun in these two clips:

Mary-Louise Parker was the second couch guest. She stars on the show Weeds. I enjoyed the interview a lot. Mary-Louise is a pretty mellow person, and it was a nice change after the high-energy first guest. She told some good stories and was generally just nice to watch and listen to. Here’s the interview:

Billy Ray Cyrus was the musical guest. He was good.

Pretty enjoyable show. I give it:

– Woody

Posted In: Late Night