Woody After Hours

by Ben on May 8, 2013 at 12:01 am

D,B And The Car Episode 2: Judgment Day

Sunday, 05/05/2013

8:00 AM CT

Happy Chico De Mayo. Dave returns to the hotel room as I finish getting ready. He lists all of the wonderful items on the hotel’s free hot breakfast. They all sound delicious. I just wish I was hungry. Instead, I tell him to shut up.

We leave the hotel. It’s still cold outside. I’m still wearing shorts.

8:30 AM CT

We enter Oklahoma and are greeted with a bill for $4. They call it a “toll.” Also, it starts to rain. I don’t understand this state at all.

8:42 AM CT

Our first 75 mph road sign. Dave believes that this legally and morally allows him to go 110. We spend a few minutes researching the definitions of “legal” and “moral. We compromise at 85.

9:15 AM CT

Dave gets the car up to 100 mph. If he hadn’t told me I honestly wouldn’t have realized it. It was so smooth and quiet. I gotta get me one of these.

10:22 AM CT

For reasons I’m not going to get into, and have nothing to do with law enforcement, Dave officially does not like the state of Oklahoma.

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D,B And The Car Episode 1: The Phantom Menace

Saturday, 05/04/13

9:00 AM ET

Dave begins the day with, “May the fourth be with you.” That may sum up this trip perfectly, or it may be totally irrelevant. I don’t know. I can’t see into the future.

We take our bags out to the car and Dave opens the trunk. He has owned this car for two months, yet the trunk is completely full, requiring my one small piece of luggage to be forcefully squeezed in. The trunk contains the following:

One (1) bowling ball

One (1) football

One (1) basketball

One (1) Horseshoe set

Two (2) pairs of Sock ‘Em Boppers

Twenty-four (24) Pack of Mountain Dew

One (1) Styrofoam jousting pool accessory

One (1) growler (more on this later)

One (1) funnel (same here)

One (1) Frisbee

Two (2) tennis rackets

I ask Dave why all of these things are in his trunk. He explains that he had transferred them from his previous vehicle. That was it. A simple answer to a simple question. A few minutes later we’re heading West on I70: