Late Show Highlights

Here were my favorite monologue jokes from last night’s Late Show with David Letterman:

Here in New York City it’s cold; nasty cold. Here’s how cold it is: you know that Keystone pipeline they’re talking about, it’s so cold the Republicans want to use that to deliver soup.

It’s that time when the city recycles the Christmas trees. Here’s what they do: people have their Christmas trees, they take all the stuff off them and put them on the sidewalk, then the city comes by and picks them up, run ‘em through a wood chipper and then they take them up to Central Park and they’re used as mulch. It’s the same thing we do to get rid of witnesses.

Paul Revere had a time capsule. They opened it up today after a coupla hundred years. They opened it up and guess what they found: a stack of love letters from Barbara Walters.

The comedy segment bits included “Top Ten Things I Said When I Learned I Made the Baseball Hall of Fame.” It was ambitious, and a little bit of a cluster, but still pretty entertaining:

Julianne Moore was the first couch guest. She is in the upcoming film Still Alice. The interview was very good. Julianne was pleasant, enthusiastically smiled and laughed a lot and shared some amusing stories. The entire interview is worth watching. Unfortunately, CBS decided to only post one clip. Julianne tells a decent story in it, but not the best one of the segment:

Marv Albert was the second couch guest. He is a television sportscaster. The interview was fun. Dave and Marv talked sports for the first half, and sports bloopers for the second half. My favorite part of the segment, and I really wish I could find this online somewhere, was Dave empathically listing the ways he feels NFL football games could be improved. In case you’re interested, the list was:

  • No more timeouts
  • No more punts
  • Extra points and field goals are done with drop kicks only
  • Two consecutive first downs allows the offense a down with two footballs
  • Once a quarter all 53 players from both teams are on the field for a down

It was hilarious. Needless to say, Marv thought they were all pretty horrible, which was also hilarious. Here’s Marv doing the blooper reel:

Catfish & The Bottlemen was the musical guest. They gave a nice performance.

Enjoyable show. I give it:


– Woody

Posted In: Late Night