Late Show Highlights

Here were my favorite monologue jokes from last night’s Late Show with David Letterman:

It’s the first day of fall. The leaves are falling, and so is the confidence in Roger Goodell. It’s gotten so bad now that even the Redskins want to change the Commissioner’s name.

Today was the opening of the UN General Assembly here in New York City. A hundred and thirty-five world leaders, so that’s why you had trouble getting a hooker.

Yesterday there was a big demonstration about climate change. Four hundred thousand people demonstrating to get people’s attention about the problem of climate change. By God, and I’m usually pretty cynical about stuff like this, but I think it worked, because today it’s cooler.

You want to go to the White House? Just hop the fence. I don’t know why I didn’t think of that. They’re lining up at the White House now and hoping the fence. And one of these trespassers made it all the way to the front door of the White House. When I heard this report I just said, “Oh, for God’s sake Hillary, wait your turn.”

The comedy segment bit was “Top Ten Apple Varieties or Television Detectives.” It was lame.

Mark Harmon was the first couch guest. He stars on the show NCIS. The interview was good, but I had to watch it twice to come to that conclusion. Mark was so serious and businesslike during his time on the couch that I honestly couldn’t tell whether or not he wanted to be there or liked Letterman. When he spoke it sounded like he was in a meeting, he didn’t smile much, and he barely laughed. It was only at the end, when Letterman warmly shook his hand and said “always a pleasure, my friend” with sincerity, did it occur to me that maybe Mark just acts like that normally, and it had nothing to do with being a guest on The Late Show. Here are the two main stories from the interview; both are reasonably amusing:

“Jungle” Jack Hanna was the second couch guest. He is Director Emeritus of the Columbus Zoo and Aquarium, and the host of Jack Hanna’s Wild Countdown. The interview was great. Jack is such a fun guest; he loves animals and Dave loves to tease him about his quirkiness. The animals Jack brought were terrific, and the things he taught us about them were interesting. The entire interview is worth watching, and about 95% of it is in the three clips below. If you only have time to watch one, however, watch the last one to see Jack try and ride a camel:

Entertaining show. I give it:


– Woody

Posted In: Late Night