Jimmy Kimmel Live! Highlights

Here were my favorite monologue jokes from last night’s Jimmy Kimmel Live!:

I want to begin tonight by wishing our veterans a happy Veteran’s Day. Thank you for your service. Thank you for all you’ve done and for all you’re doing. And to the rest of you: thanks for nothing.

Today the US Postal Service announced that they’ll be delivering packages from Amazon on Sundays. I didn’t know about this, and apparently they started it before they announced it, because I was at home yesterday and the mailman came, and I realized it was Sunday so I assumed it was a home invasion. Fortunately the mail carrier was very understanding when I untied him a few hours later. They really should have given us a heads up on that.

Last November LA County passed what was called “Measure B.” It was a bill that required adult film actors, specifically male adult film actors, to wear condoms on camera – even when posing for family photos. And now, not only are they trying to make this state law, they want it to be more comprehensive. The most recent draft of the bill would require adult film actors to wear personal protective equipment to protect their genitals, skin and eyes, which in other words means: goggles. It means porn stars would be wearing goggles, which will make it impossible to watch without thinking of Kareem Abdul Jabbar.

The comedy segment bit was “Happy Lady Gaga Album Release Day”. It was just decent enough to recommend watching. Just.

Zooey Deschanel was the first couch guest. She stars on the show New Girl. The interview was fine. Zooey was pleasant, unpretentious and told some amusing stories. I really feel that I should like her more than I actually do. She has a lot of qualities I admire in people, yet for some reason I just can’t get interested in watching her show or learning more about her. I don’t know what my problem is. Here’s the first part of the interview:

Chris Elliott was the second couch guest. He stars on the show Eagleheart. The interview was terrific. The first two minutes were spent discussing Chris’ diet and significant weight loss. The bit had comical moments, but it was only the appetizer to the six minute main course of awesomeness that followed it:

Frank Turner and the Sleeping Souls was the musical guest. I thought they were very good:

Entertaining show. I give it:

rating_4_woodys

Posted In: Late Night