Tonight Show Highlights
Here were my favorite monologue jokes from last night’s Tonight Show with Jay Leno.
Well, another NFL player got in trouble. New York Jets running back Joe McKnight arrested in New Jersey for outstanding warrants during a routine traffic stop. He tried to get away, but since he’s a New York Jet police stopped him after a gain of only two yards.
A sixty-four year old Dominican Republic man has gone on TV asking for help to find his missing penis. He said he woke up after a night of heavy drinking and his penis was gone. And today Anthony Weiner told him that’s why you take pictures, so you can put them around the neighborhood in case anybody finds it.
Guy lost his penis. Oh, he’s not taking it well. The guy now is just nuts.
Shark researchers in Florida report that the number of shark attacks on humans in on the rise. What they do is they spot their victim, they circle once, then they grab the first part of you they can. I’m sorry, that’s the mayor of San Diego. I had them confused.
Anthony Weiner’s online mistress, Sydney Leathers, has now made a porn film. So, that’s the traditional career path: scandal, fake outrage, porn film, rehab, and, of course, eventually, Dancing with the Stars.
The comedy segment was You’ve Been Warned. It started out kinda week, but it got better to the point that I can recommend wasting your time on it:
Matt Damon was the first couch guest. He stars in the new film Elysium. The interview was great. Matt was engaging, good-natured and told some amusing stories. I have to admit that I’ve got a little bit of a man crush on Matt. He has an awesome personality, looks great, is very talented and, most importantly, never been anything less than a terrific late-night guest every time I’ve seen him. It would be crazy for me not to like him so much. Here’s the interview:
Anna Faris was the second couch guest. She is in upcoming film I Give It a Year. The interview was fine. Anna was pleasant and had an decent story or two. Honestly, though, I didn’t find her all that interesting, especially since she followed Matt. Also, it was hard to relate to her when she and Jay started talking about how much they hate eating at fancy restaurants. If that is the biggest problem she ever has then she’s doing a lot better than the rest of us.
Parachute was the musical guest. They gave a nice performance.
Enjoyable show. I give it: