Late Show Highlights

Here’s a quick summary of last night’s Late Show with David Letterman if you’ve only got six seconds to spare: (Vines run muted by default, mouse over the video and click the icon in the upper-left corner for sound.)

If you’ve got more time, then here were my favorite monologue jokes:

It’s crazy hot outside, isn’t it ladies and gentlemen? I’m not going to try and explain to you how hot it is, I’m going to give you an example. You know a guy named Joey Chestnut? So hot today that he ate sixty-eight Dove Bars.

Do you know anything about Edward Snowden? He gets a gig working for some contractor that does work for the Nation Security Agency…and he’s in Hawaii…and he’s got a girlfriend who’s a stripper. I mean, is that the American dream? When he’s not busy with his girlfriend he’s downloading secrets and selling them around the world, or something like that. Then he goes to Hong Kong, and then he gets to Russia. Ultimately he wants asylum in Venezuela, but he also wants to be able to have summer asylum in the Hamptons.

Are you excited about Major League All-Star Game right here in New York City? Nothing more exciting than watching overpaid players give fifty percent.

They’re saying Alex Rodriguez may face a ban of a hundred and fifty games. Think about that. That mean Yankee fans will have to wait another full season before they get to see him strike out with bases loaded.

The comedy segment was…well…Dave yelling at and spraying water on people walking outside the Ed Sullivan Theater. It was hilarious. I hope someone posts it online soon, it’s totally worth sharing.

Bruce Willis was the first couch guest. He stars in the upcoming film Red 2. The interview was great. Bruce is always a terrific guest on the Late Show. He doesn’t spend much time talking about his personal life, but he’s always willing to come on the show, make a grand entrance and then do two or three funny bits to entertain everyone. There’s really no other late-night guest like him. The highlights are worth watching:

Bud Selig was the second couch guest. He is the Commissioner of Major League Baseball. The interview was fine. I don’t actively watch baseball, so I’m not very familiar with Bud or his successes and failures as Commissioner. I’m reasonably sure he has a tough job, and he’s probably made some improvements to the sport. That said, I wasn’t convinced he was telling the truth while talking to Dave about tackling the steroid issue. He spoke like a politician, trying to talk a good game, but I could see in his eyes that he is all bark and no bite.

Valerie Simpson was the musical guests. She was terrific, but I’m not sure all the musicians attended the clapping rehearsal.

Enjoyable show. I give it:


– Woody

Posted In: Late Night