D, B And The Car Episode 5: Assignment Miami Beach

Sunday, 05/12/13

8:08 AM MT

Happy Mother’s Day. For the eighth year in a row I am calling my mother from a gas station in Colorado Springs. It’s one of our weird annual rituals that we just haven’t been able to shake.

8:25 AM MT

We’re physically and vehically (new word!) fueled up and ready to hit the road.

But first we say goodbye to Pike and his Rocky Mountain friends:



As you can see it’s a beautiful day for a drive.

9:37 AM MT

The GPS tells us to turn right onto I70 East and continue for 510 miles to get out of Colorado and to the other side of Kansas. And then we still have to cross Missouri after that. Ugh.

10:23 AM MT

Before we left Arizona a co-worker told us that Eastern Colorado was pretty much just “pre-Kansas.” He was right.

10:58 AM MT

Welcome to Kansas. Little known fact, the state motto is “Divide by zero and that’s how far you still have to drive.”


12:28 PM CT

We have just passed into the Central time zone. Interesting fact: four of the seven Kansas counties that border Colorado are on Mountain time, while the other three (and the rest of the state) are on Central time.

1:38 PM CT

I don’t know what this billboard is trying to sell me. Can someone help me out?


2:35 PM CT

226 miles to the capital. 291 miles to dinner. 536 to sleep.

4:27 PM CT

We are passing Abilene, which is the home of the Dwight Eisenhower Presidential Library. I am learning many things about this state that I one day hope will help me win a trivia and/or drinking contest.

5:55 PM CT

We are now driving through Topeka. Not only is Topeka the state capital, it also significantly influenced the raising of my step-father.

6:44 PM CT

With downtown Kansas City in front of us, we return to Missouri from a different direction than when we left it a week ago. It is time to find some dinner:


7:02 PM CT

We’re in the mood for pizza, yet all the downtown Kansas City pizza joints appear to be closed. We decide to just stop at the first place that’s open on a Sunday evening:


7:18 PM CT

The ratio of men to women here is quite high. They are all young, urban, fashionable, friendly and familiar with each other. 80’s music videos play on the televisions. The onion rings are delicious. Hmmmmm.

11:22 PM CT

We have reached St. Louis. Dave captures our excitement:


If we ever form a two-man band and put out an album, this picture will be the cover.

In a few minutes we will begin a search for a hotel room.

11:35 PM CT

Instead of a hotel room we find the Illinois border. Weird.

11:55 PM CT

Ok, seriously, we need to find a hotel.

12:05 AM CT

The first hotel we’ve seen in almost an hour is full. Apparently there is a softball team taking up all the rooms. Jerks.

12:20 AM CT

The second hotel we try only has smoking rooms available. I ask if the smoking rooms really smell smokey. He laughs and says, “Yeah.”

12:38 AM CT

We finally find a hotel in Greenville, Illinois. Holly cow are we exhausted, and I still need to post Monday’s comic. Good-@#$%^&-night.

Tomorrow: D, B and the Car Episode 6: Jason Lives, aka, the conclusion.

– Ben

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