Here were my favorite monologue jokes from last night’s Conan:
Big news from the Vatican. Pope Benedict announced that he is retiring. He said he will resign at the end of the month. It marked the first time in history that anyone has ever uttered the Latin phrase, “Peace out, bitches!”
Anyone watch the Grammys last night? CBS reportedly tried to avoid profanity by running the entire show on a ten second delay. Or, as Taylor Swift calls it, the length of a typical relationship.
In the category of Best Spoken Word Album, former president Clinton lost along with Ellen DeGeneres and Rachel Maddow. Afterward Clinton said it was an honor just to hear my name sandwiched between two lesbians.
The comedy segment was Fan Corrections. It was decent enough to recommend:
Don Cheadle was the first couch guest. He stars on the show House of Lies. The interview was fine. Don was friendly and told some amusing stories. Here’s the second part of the interview:
Bill Burr was the second couch guest. He is a stand-up comedian. The interview was very funny. There wasn’t much personal substance, as Bill was just doing bits of his stand-up routine while sitting down, but darn was he hilarious. Here’s most of the interview:
Ed Sheeran was the musical guest. He gave a nice performance.
An ok show. I give it: