Late Show Highlights

Here were my favorite monologue jokes from last night’s Late Show with David Letterman:

I’m so happy you folks are here. What an ugly crowd we had here Friday night. These were the kinda people who would heckle a Wallenda.

Did anybody see the guy cross Niagara Falls, Nik Wallenda? I noticed that there was a little thing following him along, and I said, “Hey, the guy is hooked up to the cable.” So if he loses his balance he won’t fall 200 feet into the raging falls. But let’s just say something gets sideways on the guy and he loses his balance. Think about this. Even with that safety tether that he has there, if he loses his balance and slips off the cable above Niagara Falls, think about this, he’s going to get his shirt wet.

According to a story on the front page of the New York Times Kanye West is marrying Kim Kardashian. I know, you’re thinking, “What’ll we get ‘em?” The wedding is scheduled for June, and the divorce is in July.

Did you hear that Lindsay Lohan was in the hospital? The day before she was arrested for driving a car and slamming into somebody, then everything’s fine. Then I wake up the next day and she’s in the hospital. The official report is she’s exhausted. She’s suffering from exhaustion. And I was thinking, “Yeah, I’m kinda getting a little tired of this myself.”

The desk segments included Top Ten Things I Want to Achieve Now That I’ve Thrown A Perfect Game. It was read by the San Francisco Giants’ picture Matt Cain:

Denis Leary was the first couch guest. He’s in the upcoming Amazing Spiderman movie. The interview was very entertaining. Denis was really funny, and he and Letterman were great together. I wish I had the entire interview to post. I don’t, so here’s what I do have:

Olivia Wilde was the second couch guest. She is in the upcoming film People Like Us. The interview was also good. Olivia was nice, smiled a lot and told an amusing story. Here’s a clip:

The Pierces was the musical guest. They gave a nice performance.

Really great show. I give it:

– Woody

Posted In: Late Night