Jimmy Kimmel Live! Highlights

Here were my favorite monologue jokes from last night’s Jimmy Kimmel Live!:

Right now in England there’s a lot of celebrating going on that we’re not a part of as they commemorate Queen Elizabeth’s’ Diamond Jubilee. The Diamond Jubilee celebrates the queen’s sixty years of waving at people and kinda smiling.

Last night in Las Vegas the Miss USA pageant was held at the historic Planet Hollywood Resort and Casino. You know, Miss USA goes on to represent us in the Miss Universe pageant, and it also exists to find wives for wealthy orthodontists.

As tennis fans know, the French Open is going on right now. It’s in France this year.

Facebook has announced that they’re developing technology that will allow young kids to now have Facebook profiles. Which, you know, if want our kids to grow up unproductive we have to get them started being unproductive at an early age. Currently the minimum age is thirteen, but this new technology would open things up to kids younger than that. And not only would this help Facebook reach a new group of people to advertise to, they say it will also bring us one step closer to our goal of 100% obesity.

The Octomom has a new job. In July the Octomom will be stripping in Florida. So, don’t go to Florida.

Christina Ricci was the first couch guest. She is on the upcoming film Bel Ami. The interview was really good. Christina was a great guest: she was cool, laughed, had interesting things to say and did a nice job keeping up with Jimmy’s need to constantly interrupt her and change topics with no segue. Here’s my favorite part of the interview:

Adam Perry Lang was the cooking guest. He is a chef with a new cook book out. Cooking segments with Jimmy Kimmel are never as funny as on other late-night shows, but that’s because Jimmy is a serious cook who’d rather spend time talking about the process than making fun of it. I miss the humor, but Jimmy’s appreciation of the craft has always made the segments worth watching:

Fun was the musical guest. They were good. I like it when a band incorporates a horn section into a song:


Great show. I give it:

– Woody

Posted In: Late Night