Jimmy Kimmel Live! Highlights

Here were my favorite monologue jokes from last night’s Jimmy Kimmel Live!:

Hey, today is Ash Wednesday, as some of you probably know. It is also, because God has a weird sense of humor, National Margarita Day. You know, if your coworkers had ash on their heads today it means either they’re Catholic or they had too many margaritas and passed out in an ashtray. I usually will give up something for Lent, but this year instead of giving something up I’ve decided to just give up.

Rick Santorum is in the middle of another strange controversy. Someone dug up a speech Rick gave during the 2008 election when no one was paying him much attention. In that speech Santorum said he believes Satan has his sights set on America and we need to be aware of that. Apparently Satan is still upset about the time he went down to Georgia and lost that fiddle made of gold. Well, it was his favorite fiddle. But I happen to know for a fact that Satan does not have his sights set on America. He’s very busy right now producing the show Dance Moms.

Hey, here’s an issue we should care about. Some parents are angry at the nonprofit group California Family Health Council right now. They have what they call a Condom Access program on their website. It’s a program that allows teenagers to order a free pack of condoms every month. Many parents are upset because they think it encourages teens to have sex. Which, you know, if parents are concerned about their teens having sex they should make their kids do what I did, which is play clarinet in the high school marching band.

Jessica Alba was the first couch guest. She is an actress and the founder of The Honest Company. The interview was fine. The first half consisted of routine questions about her children and a mediocre story about Jessica as a child. The second half was all about the formation of The Honest Company and some of its products. My initial draft of this segment seriously faulted it for being such an obvious soapbox for Jessica to plug her newest thing. But then I remembered that 90% of late-night guests are on to plug their newest thing, so I shouldn’t differentiate between a movie, a book, an album or a company. Here’s a clip of the second half of the interview, which is worth watching for the products that her company rejected:


Congressman Barney Frank was the second couch guest. He has been a member of the House of Representatives for 31 years. The interview was very good. Barney was funny, appealing and since he’s retiring unapologetic with his opinions. Here’s the interview:



Nathan Myhrvold was the cooking guest. This was the weirdest cooking segment I’ve ever seen. And for that reason it’s worth watching:



Pretty good show. I give it:

– Woody

Posted In: Late Night