Late Show Highlights

David Letterman celebrates a huge milestone this week: 30 years of late-night television. Wow, that’s an amazing accomplishment. Here were my favorite monologue jokes from last night’s Late Show with David Letterman:

Anybody here been riding on the New York City subways? Well, you can no longer eat on the subway. You get caught eating on the subway it’s a $250 fine. They are serious. And they said if this works then they’re going to start cracking down on murder.

You know how much money Americans spend on snacks during the Super Bowl game? A billion dollars. And that’s just at Governor Christie’s house.

They say that Mitt Romney is outspending Newt Gingrich five to one. But, of course, Newt is out-marrying Mitt three to one.

The desk segments were a rant about how Brad Pitt won’t be a guest on the Late Show and the Top Ten Other Newt Gingrich “Big Ideas”:


Jennifer Lopez was the first couch guest. She’s a judge on American Idol. An interview can be terrific for one of three reasons: the host is terrific, the guest is terrific or the host and guest are terrific together. In this case Letterman was terrific. He starts with easy questions about JLo’s children to relax her. But before you know it he’s on to hilarious questions about American Idol contestants and her relationship with Marc Anthony that make her visibly uncomfortable. He ends the interview mocking her large perfume line. It’s totally worth watching:


Rob Schneider was the second couch guest. He stars on the show Rob! The interview was blessedly short. Rob’s a fine guy, but I find him to have very little entertainment value. I kinda got the impression that Letterman might actually agree with me.

James McCartney was the musical guest. He was fine.

An OK show. I give it:

– Woody

Posted In: Late Night