Late Show Highlights

Here were my favorite monologue jokes from last night’s Late Show with David Letterman:

It’s winter here in New York City. I was at the airport earlier today. It’s so cold out there that the TSA agents, you know what I’m talking about, to keep warm they were actually putting their hands in their own pants.

Kobe Bryant and his wife are getting a divorce. Of course, it has to be approved by NBA Commissioner David Stern. And it’s serious. Apparently his wife has already replaced him with three college prospects.

You know that Kim Jong-il? You know who I’m talking about? Guess what? Dropped dead. Thank you Seal Team 6. And now everyone’s worried who will take over for Kim Jong-il. They think it’s going to be his idiot son Kim W-il. He’s also survived by his daughter Kim Jong-dashian.

The desk segments were a very touching tribute to the Late Show’s makeup artist Michele O’Callaghn and the Top Ten Things Mitt Romney Would Like To Say To The American People:

Tom Cruise was the only couch guest. He’s in the new film Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol. The interview was fine. Tom was very mellow throughout the whole thing. I’m sure he was exhausted from working on one film while traveling around to promote this one. This being the case, I didn’t quite understand why Dave spent the first half of the interview asking a lot of questions that there was no way Tom could answer. It went from almost funny to embarrassingly stupid very quickly. It really wasn’t until near the end of the segment that Dave’s questions seemed relevant and Tom could give decent answers. Oh well. Here’s a clip:

Anthony Hamilton was the musical guest. He did a nice job.

Good show. I give it:

– Woody

Posted In: Late Night