Here were my favorite monologue jokes from last night’s Conan:
You, of course, all watched the Republican debate last night. [Clap] Oh wow, one out of three hundred.
Last night’s debate, this was crazy, the candidates were seated at the table based on how well they’ve been doing in the polls. That’s how they seated them, yeah. So John Huntsman was seated next to Tim Pawlenty…at a Denny’s down the street.
On Monday Brian Williams said if he were ever to leave his wife for a man, that man would be Bruce Springsteen. Which, I have to say, is a really weird way to start the Nightly News.
A medical company claims to have created a blood test that can tell you when you will die. The worst part is it tells you in the voice of Elmo.
The FBI has arrested the man who hacked into Scarlett Johansson’s phone and published nude photos of her online. Yeah, the man faces up to 3 to 5 years in prison, unless he can hack into Megan Fox’s phone, then he gets off scot-free.
The desk segment was Conan announcing the winners of his contest. I’m not sure Conan is even trying to do entertaining desk segments anymore, which is a real bummer cause they used to be terrific when he did them on Late Night.
Steven Ho was the first couch guest. He is a professional stuntman. Steven has been on the show many times to teach Conan stunts, and it’s always been awesome. This time he taught Conan self-defense moves. It wasn’t quite as awesome, but it was pretty great and very hilarious. It’s eleven minutes, but I think it’s totally worth watching:
Michael C Hall was the second couch guest. He stars on the show Dexter. The interview was fine, but it seemed very rushed. Conan kept firing off questions like he was trying to beat a clock. I would have preferred half the questions and more time for Michael to talk.
Gary Gulman was the stand-up guest. He was very funny. Here’s his bit:
Good show. I give it: