Late Show Highlights

Here were my favorite monologue jokes from last night’s Late Show with David Letterman:

Last night the annual Emmy awards for excellence in television, did you folks get a chance to see it? [Audience applause] I think maybe you’re lying, but I’m going to let it go. I’m telling you, when the Emmy’s come around it’s just an honor to be ignored.

I don’t know if you know about this, but when I first came to New York City, when Paul first came to New York City, many, many people remember this, whenever you would be in a car at a stoplight a guy would appear from nowhere and clean your windshield. And then Mayor Giuliani came in and rounded all the squeegee people up and put them in prison. Well, they’re back ladies and gentlemen. Except now they’re referred to as the new middle class.

You know who’s everywhere? That Dick Cheney. He’s out there doing one of these interviews at various places, and he said that when the United States lost its AAA bond rating, Dick felt embarrassment. Yeah, he felt embarrassment. Let’s take a look at this. No weapons of mass destruction? No, wasn’t embarrassed about that. Invading the wrong country? No, not embarrassed about that. Shooting a hunting buddy in the face? Not embarrassed there. He’s fine.

Over the weekend Regis Philbin threw out the first pitch at Yankee Stadium. He’s got a tremendous arm. I mean don’t kid yourself. A couple of years ago he threw out Kathie Lee.

The desk segments included the Top Ten Highlights of Barack Obama’s Deficit Plan. It had some funnies:


Jill Biden was the first couch guest. She is a teacher and the wife of Vice-President Joe Biden. The interview was pretty good. I enjoyed learning about Jill, how she and Joe Biden met and the causes she is working on. She very pleasant, and had a good sense of humor with Dave’s questions and jokes. I’m a little bummed about this clip, as it showcases Dave more than Jill, and doesn’t do a good job representing all of the interesting things they discussed. Still, it’s what we have to work with:


Ted Danson was the second couch guest. He is in the new season of CSI. The interview was good, but too short. I grew up enjoying Ted on Cheers and I would have liked to learn more about what he’s been up to lately. Still, he told two entertaining stories, one of which is detailed in this clip:


Very good show. I give it:

– Woody

Posted In: Late Night