Tonight Show Highlights

Labor Day was yesterday, so let’s look at last Friday’s Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Here were my favorite monologue jokes:

President Obama has agreed to move his jobs speech from September 7th to September 8th; it’s the same night as football season starts. Of course, the main difference; Obama’s jobs plan has a lot more hail marys in it.

The economy is bad. It’s so bad The Help isn’t a movie anymore; it’s the White House re-election slogan. The economy is so bad God is now calling Rick Perry and Michele Backmann collect. The economy is so bad the University of Miami football players have been forced to take a pay cut. That’s how bad it is.

That’s our guests tonight: Vice President Dick Cheney and Carrot Top. See, this is what happens when you let Match.com pick the guests.

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice is criticizing how she is portrayed in Dick Cheney’s new book. She’s pretty upset. In fact, today Cheney received a threatening phone call from her boyfriend, Moammar Gaddafi.

Chinese police say they were powerless to act against a couple who filmed their four year-old daughter driving their car. It’s on the internet. They had filmed this four year-old driving, and I guess that’s not illegal in China. But the girls in trouble, cause on the day she was filmed driving, she had called in sick to the factory.

An Ohio man has been arrested for having sex with an inflatable pool raft. The guys having sex with an giant air-filled piece of plastic. Or, as they call that in Beverly Hills, a second wife.

The desk segment was Police Blotter. Basically, dumb criminals in the newspapers. It can be skipped.

Dick Cheney was the first couch guest. He is the former vice president of the United States. I wish I could be objective about this guy, but I’m smart enough to know that I can’t. Still, I think interviews with politicians are important and worth watching, regardless of personal beliefs, so here it is:

Carrot Top was the second couch guest. He’s a stand-up comedian. I usually really enjoy Carrot Top performances, but he was really off on this one. And you know you’re doing poorly when you sit down next to Dick Cheney afterwards and he zings you better than any zings you made in your routine. Ouch.

Andy Grammer was the musical guest. He was fine.

An ok show. I give it:

– Woody

Posted In: Late Night