Jimmy Kimmel Live! Highlights

Here were my favorite monologue jokes from last night’s Jimmy Kimmel Live!:

Hello. I’m Jimmy. I’m the host of the show. Thank you for watching. Thank you for being here. And, most of all, I want to thank you for leaving in an hour. I like to say that in advance so we don’t have stragglers.

Yesterday was Father’s Day. A day on which dads across the country are reminded through crappy gifts how much more their children love mommy.

Speaking of doomed relationships, new episode of The Bachelorette tonight here on ABC. Ashley and her eleven remaining bachelors traveled to Thailand. The producers have been promising a big surprise, which, usually, a big surprise in Thailand involves finding a penis where there isn’t suppose to be one. Sadly that did not happen.

21-year-old Alyssa Campanella from here in California won Miss USA. So, in your face uglier states. She will now go on compete in the Miss Universe competition while her runner-up, Miss Tennessee will go on to marry an orthodontist.

Bristol Palin is back in the news. She’s releasing a memoir tomorrow called Not Afraid of Life: My Journey So Far. In it she tells the story of how she lost her virginity. She said she lost in on a hike while drinking wine coolers. Where did they hike, back to 1988?

Bristol and her boyfriend, Levi Johnston, were on a camping trip, drunk on wine coolers, and when she woke up in the morning she says she didn’t remember a thing. It’s like something out of a fairytale. They really are America’s royal couple.

Owen Wilson was the first couch guest. He stars in Midnight in Paris and the upcoming Cars 2. The interview was pretty good. Owen wore a nice shade of mellow charisma and told a lot of funny and interesting stories. My favorite part of the interview was Owens account of working with Woody Allen and meeting his daughter:


Adam Levine was the second couch guest. He is the front man for Maroon Five and is a coach on The Voice. The interview was entertaining. Adam exuded a lot of positive energy while he spoke, and it made an enjoyable counterbalance to Jimmy’s calm sarcastic-ness. I really enjoyed their discussion on Adam’s poster for cancer awareness:


Panic! at the Disco was the musical guest. They gave a good performance.

Fun show. I give it:

– Woody

Posted In: Late Night