Tonight Show Highlights

Here were my favorite monologue jokes from last night’s Tonight Show with Jay Leno:

In what’s being called one of the worst playoff performances by a superstar of all time, LeBron James only had eight points last night as the Heat lost to the Mavericks 86-83. I wanna stress I don’t have a joke here, I just want to make everyone in Cleveland feel happy.

According to USAToday the federal government now owes 61 trillion dollars for programs like Medicare and Social Security. They say the biggest reason is people are living longer. Today President Obama told Americans to ignore his wife’s nutrition advice and eat whatever you want.

A new study out of Washington, DC says that getting a college degree doesn’t matter; it’s which degree you get that impacts your income the most. For example, math majors make about 98 thousand dollars a year. Petroleum engineering majors make about 125 thousand a year. No word on philosophy majors, not one of them has found a job yet.

The beautiful star of the TV show Mad Men, January Jones, is pregnant, but she will not reveal who the father is. She is not talking, to which John Edwards said, “Why can’t I meet women like this?”

The desk segment was Jay’s TV Green Screen. It was almost entertaining enough to recommend watching, but instead I’m just going to pretend I never saw it.

Jada Pinkett Smith was the first couch guest. She stars on the show Hawthorne. The interview was fine. There was nothing wrong with it, it just didn’t seem all that exciting to me. Jada was cool and all, I guess I just didn’t feel any chemistry between her and Jay. There was no gelling. I dunno. Watch the 2nd part of the interview and see if you agree:

Elle Fanning was the second couch guest. She is in the new film Super 8. It was funny when she came out because she’s only thirteen, but she’s almost as tall as Jay and already taller than Jada. Overall the interview was fun. Elle was full of energy and excitement, you know, like any other kid her age, but she handled the whole interview as well as many adults. Here’s the 2nd part of the interview:

Lenka was the musical guest. She gave a nice performance.

Fine show. I give it:

– Woody

Posted In: Late Night