Lopez Tonight Highlights

Here were my favorite monologue jokes from last night’s Lopez Tonight:

The US Military found a stash of pornographic material in Osama bin Laden’s compound. Here are some of the titles they found: Dubai-Curious, Barely Burqa, 72 Non-Virgins And Counting,

Here are some clues that he was into porn. In his last message to al-Qaeda he said, “Death to America, except the beautiful Jenna Jameson.”

Bin Laden was hold-up in a million-dollar house, he’s into porn, he’s got weed and Viagra. He doesn’t sound like a terrorists, he’s beginning to sound like Charlie Sheen.

Ashton Kutcher is replacing Charlie Sheen on Two and a Half Men. Charlie Sheen wished Ashton well, saying, “I’m cool with you replacing me, as long as I get to replace you on Demi Moore.”

There is a movement to have poll dancing declared an Olympic sport. If successful, not only will it be hard to get an Olympic ticket, you’ll have to buy two drinks too.

Lopez did a segment where he prepared for Ashton’s arrival at the WB studios. It wasn’t very funny.

Eva Longoria was the first couch guest. She stars on Desperate Housewives and has a new cookbook. I saw her on the Late Show a month ago. She was fun to watch then and she was just as much fun to watch last night. I think I find her enjoyable because she seems to have a great attitude about life and everything she is doing. Eva and George talked about a range of subjects, from DW to hosting a baby shower for Victoria Beckham to her work with immigration reform.

After the break they made a recipe from her cookbook. I’m a sucker for cooking segments, and this one was decent:

Between guests Lopez did a segment called Lopez University’s Graduating Class It was surprisingly funny, mostly due to Lopez ragging on the audience members who participated:

Ellie Kemper was the second couch guest. She is on The Office and in the new movie Bridesmaids. The interview was painfully fun to watch, due to Ellie’s hyper-perkiness and over-sharing story telling. Here’s the interview:

Fitz and the Tantrums was the musical guest. They were really good:

Great show. I give it:

– Woody

Posted In: Late Night