Tonight Show Highlights

Here were my favorite monologue jokes from last night’s Tonight Show with Jay Leno:

Last night President Obama said our country is facing another Sputnik moment, which went over the heads of a lot of young people. They think Sputnik is Snooki’s older sister.

In Utah a girls high school basketball team being called unsportsmanlike after winning a game 108 to 3. Obviously a humiliating loss for their opponents – the Cleveland Cavilers.

According to people who keep track of these things, American breasts are getting bigger. The average bra size in America: 36 DD. The bad news: that’s just for guys.

According to a new poll 59% of viewers are disgusted with Charlie Sheen and say CBS should fire him. Lemme tell you something, Charlie Sheen does not care. This guy has so much money he is laughing all the way to the skank.

The desk segment was Meal or No Meal. It was actually really funny from multiple sources. The first two contestants made me weep for the future of this country. The last contestant made me believe there may be hope:

Annette Bening was the first couch guest. She recently won a Golden Globe, and is up for an Oscar, for staring in The Kids Are All Right. The interview was fine. Annette is a great person, and she had a good sense of humor and told some decent stories. It’s just that the interview lacked, for lack of a better word, pizazz.

Frank Caliendo was the second couch guest. He is a comedian and impressionist. I love Frank’s act. I think he’s really talented and hilarious. It wasn’t so much an interview as an opportunity for him to do a mini-stand-up routine. And that was fine with me. It’s worth watching:

Amos Lee was the musical guest. I really enjoyed listening to him.

Honestly, a better show than I expected. I give it:

– Woody

Posted In: Late Night