Tonight Show Highlights

Here were my favorite monologue jokes from last night’s Tonight Show with Jay Leno:

The Carnival Cruise Line has a new slogan: Mayday! Mayday! Abandon ship!

A U.S. aircraft carrier is resupplying the ship. They airlifted over 60,000 pounds of food…and that’s just for the midnight buffet.

They’re towing the ship to San Diego. Here’s an interesting fact: while the ship was stranded off the coast of Mexico it had 4,500 passengers. By the time it reaches the U.S. it’s suspected to have 10,000.

Police in Haverhill, Massachusetts have charged a 59 year-old priest with stealing $83,000 from his parish to buy online pornography. He was robbing Peter to pay porn.

Here’s the bad part, the church transferred him to another parish with free wi-fi.

There’s now a new World’s Oldest Person. A woman in Texas just turned 115 years-old. She said her birthday wish was for the economy to improve so that one day she can quit her job and retire.

The desk segment was Battle of the Jaywalk All-Stars. It has a few laughs, but overall it was more painful than entertaining to watch. I felt embarrassed for the “contestants” and I felt embarrassed to be watching it.

David Spade was the first couch guest. He’s one of the stars on the show Rules of Engagement. I have to admit that I have always enjoyed David’s sense of humor. I think I may be only one of a dozen people or so who can say that. It’s dry, dark and mostly self-deprecating, kinda like me. Overall the interview was fun. Some of his stories were pretty amusing. Here’s the first-half of the interview, which was better than the second-half:

Christine O’Donnell was the second couch guest. She was the 2010 Republican Party candidate for the U.S. Senate seat in Delaware. The interview was interesting. My one complaint is I thought Jay didn’t allow Christine enough time to complete her thoughts on his current question before he fired off the next one. It doesn’t matter who the guest is, if you ask a person to be on your show, don’t give them the 3rd degree and try to catch them off-guard. I disagreed with this approach. Here’s the interview;

Old 97’s was the musical guest. They were really good.

Fine show. I give it:

– Woody

Posted In: Late Night