Tonight Show Highlights

Here were my favorite monologue jokes from last night’s Tonight Show with Jay Leno:

President Obama spoke to students this week in his back to school address. He told young people to dream big, stay focused and stay in school. Stay in school. You know why? Cause there are no jobs when you get out.

The press are making a big deal out of President Obama walking around without his wedding ring. It’s cause his wedding ring was being fixed. He is so ringless people are mistaking him for Lebron James.

For the first time every Microsoft’s Bing search engine has more US users than Yahoo. You know how I heard about this? On Google.

Hey, remember that goose that brought down the US Airways flight? Well, it happened again Monday night, some Ravens took down the NY Jets.

Losing the game Monday night was not the only problem for the Jets. They’re now being accused of sexually harassing a female reporter. See, I don’t know what the problem is. Did you see the Jets offense? It’s not like they’re going to score anyway.

You know the air guitar championships? In Brooklyn, NY they’re getting ready to host the air sex championships. People simulate having sex with an imaginary partner. Or as I called that: high school.

The desk segment was Fall TV Preview. It had a few laughs in it:

Ben Affleck was the first couch guest. He’s in the new film The Town. The interview was good. Ben was very mellow, so he wasn’t terribly exciting to watch. I did enjoy when Ben told some stories of making the film:

Julie Bowen was the second couch guest. She’s on the show Modern Family. Unlike Ben, Julie was full of energy, and therefore was a lot more exciting to watch. The interview was fine, but I honestly didn’t find her very interesting.

Weezer was the musical guest. They were ok. I think I just need to get use to their new album.

Fine show. I give it:

– Ben

Posted In: Late Night