Tonight Show Highlights

I’m back like New Maine! [Wait for laughter to die down.] Ok, let’s get right to my favorite monologue jokes from last night’s Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien:

President Obama right now is in Russia. Yeah Obama went there cause from Russia you can actually see Sarah Palin cleaning out her office in Alaska.

The L.A.P.D. fears riots may break out at tomorrow’s Michael Jackson memorial service in the Staples Center. Their biggest fear is that the gangs from the Beat It video might show up and start trouble.

In California a man says he was beaten up by security guards at Six Flags who accused him of smoking marijuana. Now in his defense, he said he was just following the sign that says you must be this high to ride.

In Turkey there’s a new game show, this is real, a new game show where leaders of different religions compete to try and convert atheists. Yeah, it’s the first ever game show that has an actual lightning round.

Two former contestants from The Biggest Loser, who had a combined weight of 625 pounds, recently had a baby together. The baby weighs 10 pounds 14 ounces and the couple says it was delicious.

And then there was this:

And this:

The desk segment was pretty ridiculous, and therefore kinda funny, but may not be so safe for work:

Howie Mandel was the first couch guest. I kinda like Howie. He seems like a nice guy, and Deal or No Deal is my kinda show, but he doesn’t make me laugh too often. The interview confirmed my world view. The jokes were fast and furious, but they didn’t make me laugh. But he seems like a decent human being.

Alanis Morissette was the second couch guest. She looks great. That’s about it.

Death Cab for Cutie was the musical guest. They were really good.

– Woody

Posted In: Late Night